bama: May 2010

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Letters from the Route Manager

Dear Tatum Highlands Community,

I had a wonderful day two days ago in your community talking to the residents and giving inspections and price quotes. However, yesterday that was not the case. At my first home in your community I was politely told by a very nice couple that maybe I shouldnt be there because it is a no soliciting community. However, I told them since I had a license and a permit from the state it was ok for me to be there. However, I was reassured that was wrong according to their HOA. So, I called my manager once I left their house and was told it was fine to be there since there are no gates or signs upon entering. So, on with my knocking I commenced. Three houses later (about 10 minutes...) I came off of a porch and saw you all. The very polite lady from earlier, sternly marching down the middle of the street, followed by a small posse of you all, about 12. At first I will admit, I wished you had all brought torches, pitchforks and were chanting "Kill the Beast"; better yet some pulsating, uniform snapping with occasion leaps, kicks and exclamations like "GET IT!" and "YEAH!". Buh da da da duh, buh da da da da duh uh. So while that would have been nice to experience that type of theatrical mutiny from you all, I had to endure your sad and pathetic efforts to rid me from your community. For the record mean Latino lady, I didnt lie to your face when I was on your porch by telling you I had approval to be there, I did. And accusing me of having no dignity, integrity or honesty isn't a very fair claim for you to make. It was offensive and uncalled for. Sorry you became upset when I put my hand up and told you it was my turn to talk, but it was. I left politely, and moved to a new area. However, there is a thing called "human decency", and you should google the definition, and invest in some large amounts of it for the whole community.

Sincerely,
Your Route Manager, Brady

PS: When your a jet, your a jet all the way Tatum Highlands Community. Never forget that.

Sincerely Mr. Do-It-Yourself-er whose not really doing-it-yourself,

Is it more sad that I believed you when you said you handle the pest control yourself, or that you lied and got your foot caught in your mouth? Its a toss up (but I would go with the latter). Next time when someone asks you what you use to handle the pests yourself, A: you shouldnt say, "Whatever my wife buys at homedepot" B: Dont try and make up names for chemicals, I have been trained. And C: When I go off on my explanation of how we use products containing synthetic polyrethroids and spot treating with Dietimacious Earth because it contains a desiccant to cut the exoskeleton of scorpions...dont say, "Yeah me too." Really buddy? Really? Most of all, the pathetic part of the conversation was your embarrassing surrender when you held up your hand and said, "Will you please just leave?" after I began talking about gestation and hatching cycles. Sorry I overwhelmed you with pest control specifics, but I was just assuming you had done your research. Clearly I was very wrong. Good luck with your Home Depot solution. Get 'er done.

Your Route Manager, Brady

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Letters from the Route Manager...

Dear Mr. Middle Eastern Man with the life-size marble dalmation statue,

    While I appreciate your culture, skyscrapers in Dubai, the UAE, Slum dog Millionaire and occasional dining experience, I do not appreciate you letting me give you a ten minute shpeal while fighting off my gag reflex due to your skin penetrating curry scent, only for you to smile and tell me, "I not unda shtend wut you say!" (hopefully you added some Indian inflection there). That would have been optimal to tell me before I gave my pitch. However, I did enjoy your sheik-like palatial home.

Sincerely,
     Your Route Manager, Brady

Dear 350lb man in the Jazzy scooter,

    While approaching you and your wife outside your door I was anxious to share the good news of premium pest control and cheaper prices. What I did not expect was you to call me a "damn solicitor", accuse me of having "no consideration for others" and "willingly breaking the law". When you proceeded to tell the man you were on the phone with that "all solicitors should be locked up shipped away" I couldn't help but laugh at your audacious claims and Nazi meets slavery suggestion. However Mr. Jazzy Fat Man, the icing the cake was you throwin' that Jazzy into full throttle in an attempt to "drive" me from your property you claimed I was "illegally trespassing" on. Walking backwards as you made your offensive drive and listening to you weave a tapestry of profanities was quite a sight for me to behold. While immediately after I was baffled with the your lack of humanity, it now has provided me with a wonderful visual I shant soon forget.

Sincerly,
    Your Route Manager, Brady

Dear 70 year old Playboy "wanna be" Bunny,

     Excuse me if I seemed to be at a loss for words when you whipped open your door; it was simply because I was. Was it your face, that looked like a 12 year old teeny bopper did your makeup; or your rhinestone encrusted tank top that you probably bought at Fashion Bug? In the Teens section? Possibly. Most likely it was your "busty-ness" that contained more plastic then a Fisher Price Play House and was a generous 2-3 cup sizes to large. Leave the F's to college math students. Also a word to the wise, while leather products are always "in" and quite coveted, that doesn't refer to ones flesh. An avid painter I may be, however, Burnt Sienna shouldn't be the color that comes to mind when thinking of skin tones. You were sweet and very polite, just a little too much for my eyes and brain to process. I hope you will excuse me.

Sicerely,
     Your Route Manager, Brady

PS: And never wear that pink rhinestone Playboy Bunny necklace EVER AGAIN!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

World Cup 2010 - Wavin Flag

Monday, May 10, 2010

valley of the sun

Dear Arizona,

Well, I am quite fond of you thus far. The drive down to you was not as bad as I thought it would be thanks to my amazing sister trippin it with me. Although mapquest said the journey takes 10 1/2 hours, we managed to stop three times and still skim an hour off that time. Thanks to Beyonce, the New Moon soundtrack (which is quite amazing, despite the horrid film) car snacks, two big Dr. Peppers, Cheesy Gordita Crunches and giving power "thumbs down's" to all the bad drivers, we had a fabulous time. However, from Page, AZ to Flagstaff there is nothing more then desolate, Mars like surfaces; with occasional Navajo double wide trailers and jewelry stands.

This is a picture of mars. (Actual Mars)

This is a picture of Navajo Nation. (Actual Navajo)

I will admit I was quite thrilled to enter Navajo Nation Reserve, but sorely disappointed when all that awaited was blinding sand storms and butt ugly landscape. It took great fortitude to press through such ugliness. A few hours later we gave Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows audio book a try and failed. After about fifteen minutes of utter confusion concerning J.K's masterpiece, we realized my iPod was on shuffle. No wonder the story line was so scattered. We corrected that, and enjoyed the first three chapters; which was all I could take while driving and not falling asleep. However, soon after that, we arrived at San Lagos Condominiums. Truly a desert oasis. 3 acre lake, fountains, cabanas, grills, a mammoth swimming pool adorned with sand beach and waterfalls, hot tub, great fitness center, sauna, and big gates out front. Oh, and the pool/hot tub are open 24 hours a day. Excuse me? Sorry Oakridge Student Housing, but your 11pm curfew was not adequate. Take note. So, back to you AZ, more specifically your little bro Glendale. I think your great thus far. Within five minutes of me you have provided a Subway, Rubios, AMC 30 theatre, Macaroni Grill, Jamba, Ross, Walmart, Cheesecake Factory and many others. I think I will like it here.

Job wise, today was a long, very long, but great day. After 8 straight hours of training, roll playing, learning, questioning, training, memorizing, roll playing, more questions and more training, I feel like a sponge that has sopped up too much info. If asked about Blue Sky Pest Control or was to knock a door right now I think I might just verbally vomit out all the information I have soaked up. Or just yell. Reeeeeally loud. Right in their face...

I am taking time to process, and analyze. However I became very excited today about what it is that I am doing, and doing it for such an AMAZING company. Its really nice to sell something that really is a superior product then everything else on the market. Thank you two mission companions from BYU who started Blue Sky Pest Control, your just swell fellas.

Odd tidbit: everyone in Arizona has customized license plates. EVERYONE!

Clearly they have a think for AutoCad...

Thank you Miss Shop n' Go

And "Jersey Girl"

I dont know why this is such a fad here, but it is, and I think more people in Utah should hop on board. Confession: when I was younger and anxiously anticipating getting my drivers license, I would think up every 7 letter combination that could work on my future license plate.

-skibumb

-brdyboy

-luv2ski

-socrboy

-vhssocr

Yes, they all sound like adolescent hotmail account names, but I was young and full of dreams.

So, day one is down. I came home, did my Insanity workout routine, ate a Cocommune bar (deliciousness dietetic-ally crafted to heal stomach aches) my protein shake and am now bloggin. I think I may go for a drive and find more food. And sit in the ach oh tee tee you be. A soakski would be nice in you warm summer evening heat AZ. Thats all for now.

Blessins AZ.

Your faithful sun lovin', pest controlin' Utahn.

Brady