Letters from the Route Manager...

Dear Mr. Middle Eastern Man with the life-size marble dalmation statue,

    While I appreciate your culture, skyscrapers in Dubai, the UAE, Slum dog Millionaire and occasional dining experience, I do not appreciate you letting me give you a ten minute shpeal while fighting off my gag reflex due to your skin penetrating curry scent, only for you to smile and tell me, "I not unda shtend wut you say!" (hopefully you added some Indian inflection there). That would have been optimal to tell me before I gave my pitch. However, I did enjoy your sheik-like palatial home.

Sincerely,
     Your Route Manager, Brady


Dear 350lb man in the Jazzy scooter,

    While approaching you and your wife outside your door I was anxious to share the good news of premium pest control and cheaper prices. What I did not expect was you to call me a "damn solicitor", accuse me of having "no consideration for others" and "willingly breaking the law". When you proceeded to tell the man you were on the phone with that "all solicitors should be locked up shipped away" I couldn't help but laugh at your audacious claims and Nazi meets slavery suggestion. However Mr. Jazzy Fat Man, the icing the cake was you throwin' that Jazzy into full throttle in an attempt to "drive" me from your property you claimed I was "illegally trespassing" on. Walking backwards as you made your offensive drive and listening to you weave a tapestry of profanities was quite a sight for me to behold. While immediately after I was baffled with the your lack of humanity, it now has provided me with a wonderful visual I shant soon forget.

Sincerly,
    Your Route Manager, Brady


Dear 70 year old Playboy "wanna be" Bunny,

     Excuse me if I seemed to be at a loss for words when you whipped open your door; it was simply because I was. Was it your face, that looked like a 12 year old teeny bopper did your makeup; or your rhinestone encrusted tank top that you probably bought at Fashion Bug? In the Teens section? Possibly. Most likely it was your "busty-ness" that contained more plastic then a Fisher Price Play House and was a generous 2-3 cup sizes to large. Leave the F's to college math students. Also a word to the wise, while leather products are always "in" and quite coveted, that doesn't refer to ones flesh. An avid painter I may be, however, Burnt Sienna shouldn't be the color that comes to mind when thinking of skin tones. You were sweet and very polite, just a little too much for my eyes and brain to process. I hope you will excuse me.

Sicerely,
     Your Route Manager, Brady

PS: And never wear that pink rhinestone Playboy Bunny necklace EVER AGAIN!!